What's your moto?

Yep. I used a non-word. I was thinking this morning about motivations and how much they season the way we behave, speak, listen, even look. I like to be funny, and self-deprecating more than I should, but I wondered what my motivation for that behavior is. To be loved? To be admired? Or the opposite? I find some people (including myself) send out subversive messages to repel certain people, almost as if to filter the type of energy they surround themselves with.

It's fascinating really. Ive noticed that even the "bad" motivators sometimes tend to drive us more. Perhaps that is why we don't shed them very easily? In the interest of being self-effacing and honest, let me take a shot at it:

My bad motivators: historic and present- but I wont say which is which :)

1. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt: This one is a doozy. I have felt guilty for not stimulating my 2 month-old in the past, therefore I spent hours in her face, singing, dancing, playing games. Seriously? She was 8 weeks into this life and had the stimulation capacity of an eggplant...I'm over that. I have guilt about doing too much, not enough, not buying organic, drinking bottled water that kills the planet, seeing family, not wanting to see family...etc. It goes on and on. (sigh)

2. Fear: This one in particular can inspire action and non-action. I have read a lot about how almost EVERYTHING can be drilled back to some type of fear. In weak moments I fear that I am not a good enough mother, or wife, or citizen.I fear long rides in lots of traffic, small hands on men, judgment (which is ironic given what lies behind that last comma), I fear growing old, or complacent, or worse being forgettable. And...I'm revealing too much. Next!

3. Witnesses: Uh-huh. I am really going to admit it. You should too. How many times have you done something DIFFERENTLY because people were watching? Like...NOT picked your nose, wedgie, or double glazed donut because that cute guy/gal was behind you? More seriously though, my 3 year old is a witness to everything. Old, child-less me might have, say...cursed at a driver that cut me off, or confronted the person who stepped into my line in front of me, or the rude sales person who needed to be accountable. I certainly have been that girl that worked out EXTRA hard when a good looking man peered over...I said it. I did. The thing is...doing such things is depending on external sources to validate our behavior. It is taking away the choice I can make for ME to do things better. Crazy, when you think about it.

So...next time, Good motivators. For now...ponder your moto.